Why Politics and Lawyers Suck

Preface: The following text is going to be an emotional rant. I guarantee the quality of language I may or may not use... so put your children in another room before proceeding.

I have a client, a very nice, down-to-earth guy, who has a fairly small sub-division he's proposing in a small, unnamed, Upstate New York Village. He's a local guy, volunteer fireman, Board of Commissioners, actively involved with his son's Boy Scouts, you get the picture. He's a big part of the community, and is either the 3rd or 4th generation to live in unnamed area. The point is... the guy's not going anywhere. He's vested in the community and is not some fly-by-night developer who's going to swoop in, drop in some half-ass community, and get the hell out of dodge. However, that's exactly how unnamed Village Board is treating him.

His project is one of the most frustrating projects I've ever been involved in. The project started, well, I won't give you the exact number of years, but it's been "in the works" since before I went to my prom for crying out loud! I got involved two years ago and was never really told about the whole "history"... just... "Here's this project we need you to develop a drainage study." Well, the more work I did on the "drainage study", the more I realized they're not after a final drainage study... they're after his first born. It's fucking ridiculous. I've been in front of the Board, oh I'm not exactly sure, but I'm going to guess 10-12 times in 2 years... all for the same "study"?!?!? Everytime they review it, give me comments and send me away with a "Revise and Resubmit" statement. Sometimes the comments are new, sometimes they actually ask us to change something back to the way we had 8 or 9 months ago. I've pointed these facts out to them, and their cockheaded lawyer always rebuts with, "This project will NOT proceed until you've satisfied the Boards demands." Fucking ridiculous. The Board doesn't even know what they want so how the hell can I make them happy?

This last month was my last round. I've had enough. I met with the nice folks from NYS Department of Environmental Conservation, and discussed the situation with them. I asked for some direction about how to address it. The answer was... as long as we comply with the Phase II requirements, the Village can take their demands and stick them where the sun don't shine. Ah, thanks for that clarification.

So armed with my new approach, I contacted the Village Engineer, discussed the situation with him. He agreed fully... and then added, "But it's not up to me. You have to deal with the Attorney." Lovely, fucking lovely. So into the meeting I went last night... listened as the Village Engineer explained the situation with the Drainage Study and as he notified the Board that the Drainage Study was finalized and the issue was to be closed. Allelulia.... right? Wrong.

Remember that cockhead lawyer??? He steps up and says, "Well, that's all well and good, but you still won't get your zoning approval." I step up and say, "Can you please explain why? I believe we have more than satisfied all of the requirements for the zone change. What now?" Lawyer... "Well, I have paperwork to do, and I don't think I'll be able to fit it in until sometime in March. That means the local won't be proposed until April, and you won't get your approval until June." Like I said, he's a cockhead. The "paperwork" he has to do... could have been done about a year and a half ago, back when the public hearing was held... he's just been sitting on it because he's stalling the project. I looked at the Mayor and stated, "I'm sure there is some way to expedite the paperwork so we can have a special hearing mid-February and get the approval in the beginning of March, correct?" His answer... "Well I'd have to confer with our attorney on that."

Ah, politics.

And now I'll climb down off my soapbox. Thanks for listening.